I have been noticing grief in the many forms that it manifests lately. I think we normally think of grief when a loved one passes away. There are many other forms of loss, whether it is the loss of a job, a dream, financial stability, retirement, the breakup of a relationship or marriage, loss of health, the onset of a loved one’s health issues (like dementia), loss of a home or cherished item, or the loss of safety after a traumatic event. All of these losses involve the grieving process, which traditionally includes five stages (Kübler-Ross): denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There are also the seven stages of grief that include:

• Shock and denial
• Pain and guilt
• Anger and bargaining
• Depression and loneliness
• The upward turn
• Reconstruction and working through
• Acceptance and hope

In each model, the authors note that there is no specific time frame for each stage, nor is there a particularly predictable pattern for grief.

How can we best navigate grief while also continuing to work, take care of our families and care for ourselves? The myths of grief can give us a bit of a map for this process. Ignoring grief, which can be tempting, will only prolong the grieving process. As the saying goes, “What we resist persists.” You aren’t required to feel any certain way. However you feel is perfectly acceptable and normal, whether that is sadness, guilt, numbness or nothing at all. And if you do have intense emotions, this does not indicate anything about your level of strength. Crying is normal and can help release physical symptoms if they manifest. Some people don’t cry, and that is okay too. There’s a myth that grief lasts about a year, but the grieving process is unique to each individual, so it could last less or more than that time frame. Getting back into your routines and “moving on” doesn’t mean that you don’t care or are forgetting the loss or person. Finally, be gentle with yourself through all of it. Practicing self-compassion and treating yourself as you would a friend or family member can be immensely comforting.

Counseling can assist with your grieving process, how you feel and think about it, and how you cope. Feel free to reach out to the Ohio State Employee Assistance Program by calling 800-678-6265 or by clicking here.