It is normal for the holiday season to bring up challenges in our relationships as we spend more time together. With family, these challenges can be more complex because of years of shared experiences, expectations and emotions. The pressure we put on ourselves during this period can intensify our emotions.

Common challenges may include:

• Conversations about politics, religion or other sensitive topics

• Criticism about personal choices, careers, relationships or parenting

• Longstanding family conflicts resurfacing

• Managing interactions with difficult or demanding relatives

• Coping with grief, loss or significant life changes

Recognizing potential stressors ahead of time can help you prepare rather than react. Set realistic expectations for yourself and others. Avoid striving for perfection, whether you're preparing a recipe, interacting with family or managing your emotions. Have an honest conversation with yourself about what to expect from yourself and others. Practice acceptance and maintain realistic expectations.

Consider asking yourself:

• What is within my control?

• What behaviors am I likely to encounter?

• What would a successful gathering realistically look like?

When we focus on what we can control, we experience less frustration and disappointment. Define what “success” means. Does success mean having a pleasant, even if superficial, conversation with family members? Getting through dinner without discussing politics? Or something else entirely?

Boundaries are also important. Boundaries are not about controlling others. They are about clearly communicating what you are comfortable discussing or participating in. At times, boundaries can mean attending an event but arriving late and leaving early, taking breaks such as a walk before or after a meal or saying that you aren’t comfortable discussing a topic. People may want to talk about politics; it’s okay to express your discomfort or excuse yourself.

One strategy I use when an uncomfortable topic arises is to redirect the conversation toward something less likely to cause an argument. You can use humor, ask a question or, if things become intense, excuse yourself from the room.

Family members can sometimes trigger emotional reactions that feel surprisingly strong, even years later. Think about how to respond if you experience an emotional reaction. Try some calming techniques, such as taking a breath or grounding yourself in the present moment by feeling your feet on the ground and your body in a chair. Practice pausing and setting aside your emotions to address later.

If the conversation becomes uncomfortable, give yourself permission to leave. Leaving and practicing self-care can be better for your mental health than staying and trying to “grin and bear it.” Practice self-care before and after holiday gatherings so you feel rested and more prepared.

Sometimes, additional support can help. If you need support during this season, contact the Ohio State University Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at 800-678-6265 or click here.